Nurture or neuter? It’s your choice
In his book titled Daddy Loves His Girls,T. D. Jakes writes:
This nurturing instinct is what can cause that woman to cleave to a relationship that is diseased or hold onto an issue that is dead and decomposed… It is dangerous when a woman holds onto things that should be released.
Rarely will you meet a man who is enamoured for years with someone who has gone out of his life. Men are not so much for sitting around waiting for someone to come back… don’t think that men don’t have feelings… it is just that we are not by nature nurturers, and we have a tendency to erase issues more easily than some women do.
Nurturing a problem not only means you keep it, it also implies that you are feeding it. It is drawing strength from you, just as a child has no way of getting food in the mother’s womb except from her… You can become a nurture of something that is depleting you. It is wearing you down, and yet you keep pouring into it. You pour emotion and attention. You pour out your energy, and worst of all, you sacrifice your future to an idol that is not worthy of your worship. You are nurturing something that needs to be neutered.
To neuter what needs to be neutered, you need to:
- Leave your past behind.
This is easier said than done! Most times your emotions will want you to hold on to decaying stuff or abuse because it is so familiar to you that it is actually your comfort zone.
“Some people stay in abusive relationships, jobs and other negative situations because they cannot let go. People can stay in these situations until they get physically ill and sometimes even die. Life is too precious to spend it being manipulated,” according to Edwin Cole, who was the founder of the Christian Men’s Network, a religious organisation devoted to helping men and fathers.
“However, you cannot allow yourself to make decisions based on sentiment instead of truth. Unless you neuter the old, you cannot successfully nurture the new.’Leaving is as important as entering; and entering as as important as leaving,’ ” Cole noted.
“How can I seperate from this person?” you may ask. “The answer is simple; you don’t cut off the person. Simply make a decision about your lifestyle… If you are carrying old pain, old scars, dead relationships or even a torch for someone who has moved on with his life, I counsel you to abort that thing that is draining your life and blurring your vision. You are a nurturing being, but you must neuter that thing… Forgetting your past doesn’t mean you develop selective amnesia. You may still remember the events, but the pain of them has been removed like a stinger from a bee. The bee still buzzes, but he is not a threat because his sting is gone… “
- Get to know yourself.
Who are you? Why are you on earth? What do you want to be remembered for? Unless we squarely answer this kind of questions , history is likely to repeat itself. According to Edwin and Nancy Cole, “We aren’t as likely to be manipulated and entangled in a mess if we know who we are and can genuinely believe in ourselves.” Are you ready to do whatever it takes to achieve your life’s purpose? “It is always better to fail something than to excel at nothing at all. Get up and try again. The journey to recovering your potential is the ability to move beyond your past and use it to inform and improve your future…” (Dr. Myles Munroe) . The choice to move forward or not is hinged on you.
- Surround yourself with the right people.
Establish principles for your life and associate with those who enhance rather than inhibit your values. “When we don’t value ourselves, we tend to attract people who support that devalued image…” (T. D. Jakes). You attract who you are. You increase or decrease by association.
- Get additional outside help fast.
This is especially if the relationship is an abusive one with very complicated and severe underlying forces. To nurture or neuter? It’s your choice.